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Confession of A Twitter Slut…

To the average observer I am an optimistic 28 year old woman who was raised by two wonderful parents, who has a great a job, enjoys a drink from time to time, laughs out loud, is independent, has a strong desire to achieve in her life, works hard, appreciates her friends and family, has strong convictions, is compassionate, and honestly is a great person.

Lots of people enjoy my optimistic, happy go lucky attitude. My sense of humor, all be it unique, has offered many laughs, sore bellies, and tired cheeks; life tends to be a perpetual comedy show from my perspective. In my career I have grown quickly within organizations, my natural leadership qualities pulling me to the top as if floatation devices in the sea of corporate bliss are attached to my work product.
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Posted by chief - May 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Categories: Relationship Gripes Tags:

Dear Neighbors, We Give Up, You Win The Sex Duel

My girlfriend and I live below you. A while back, we were waking up one morning to some weird noises. Kind of like some squeaks at a pretty even pace; I thought it was a ceiling fan or something. Well, it only took a minute to figure out what was really going on. The female moans helped to narrow down the possibilities, and the long deep groan at the conclusion of the session pretty much sealed it.

We heard you having sex. we giggled and were kind of embarrassed but wouldn’t you know it, it got my girl in the mood and we began having sex too. Now, my girlfriend has a pretty neat sense of humor, so to make things more interesting she started making some noises exactly like we heard coming from above. Taking her cue, when I delivered the goods I managed to let out a beast of a man-groan that shook the foundation of our apartment. We had to put pillows over our faces to muffle the laughter.

Oh My, I Had The Worst Possible Date EVER!

Alright…I don’t care if you guys believe me … it’s real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I’ve ever experienced… it was a horrible night for me.. and I’m sharing it with you guys because I don’t want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It’s very long, but I’ll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs….. read it to save yourself from something like this…

Anyway…

To My Porn Watching Pig Boyfriend

So you like watching these porn-sluts get pounded and creamed? OK, I get it, I kind of like some of that too. It’s rather entertaining, if not slightly disturbing/fascinating to WATCH.

But now you’re getting all fucked up with me, and although I keep taking it from you, you’re probably on the way out, and I’m trying to think of ways to get you back. Because, at the end of the day, the “new” hardcore is rather degrading, and there are too many limits being pushed. Here are a few of mine that keep getting tested:

1) If you don’t stop slapping my tits and pinching my nipples that way, you won’t ever see them again. I hope you like my parka, cause it’s going to become my new lingerie.

2) Don’t ever spit on my face again, I think I made that clear, sorry about the sore balls.

3) I used to feel proud that I could swallow, now I feel pretty gross after you dick whip me and make me eat it off your cock and fingers like it’s punishment. I would do all that for you anyway, but when you hold my hair and call me names and make me, there’s that line I was talking about.

4) Pussy to mouth is kind of freaky, I’m totally ok with that. Ass to mouth is something else altogether, stop even joking about it. If you should ever decide to “forge ahead” with that one and see how it goes, I’ll bite your fucking dick off, I swear I will. If I don’t manage that in the moment, I’ll get you in your sleep.

Thanks for listening sweetheart. By the way how did your coffee taste this morning?

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Posted by chief - May 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Categories: General Gripes Tags: