http://www.ofuzi.com You've Got A Gripe? Let's Hear It... Sat, 08 Aug 2009 19:49:52 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en “GOD doesn't give you the people you want, HE gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be”. ........................................................... “Baaargh..he’ll never be as good as his old man”… It was in ‘97 ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2009/08/08/to-all-the-girls-ive-loved-before/ Wow. It's been great making out with you, a real live boy, on this couch for 15 minutes. I can see that now, after the conversation we had and the beer you bought me after your friend introduced us at the party, you think it's about time you enjoyed the ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2008/12/31/before-you-get-that-blowjob-from-me-here-are-a-few-pointers/ Instructions: Please answer the questions below as directed in each section. You will be marked for grammar, spelling, cleverness, creativity and boob-size. Please keep in mind that while this is not an application for a job, your performance on this test will be a reflection of your ability to achieve ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2008/12/29/girlfriend-potential-test/ How happy I would be if I could find that perfect man who has given up on himself and life………the man who has nothing to give another human being because they have experienced so many disappointments that he is so beaten down…..sad…..and vulnerable to a woman like me. Yes, I am ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2008/02/08/disappointed-vicious-shrew-looking-for-an-emotionally-empty-loser/ Dear Jackie, You are a nice girl with a good heart, but I honestly couldn’t stand being your boyfriend anymore. You will probably never read this, but I think you deserve an explanation. Here are the REAL reasons I broke up with you last month: 1. I am not your therapist. You ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/11/11/dear-jackie-here-are-the-real-reasons-i-broke-up-with-you%e2%80%a6/ For All the Desperate Nice Guys After having yet another failure of a relationship before it even begins, I have decided to write a little guide for all you hopeful nice guys who just have no idea how to approach a “cute, funny, and smart” girl. Look, it’s not that we ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/11/11/for-all-the-desperate-nice-guys/ This one’s for you. The first and only letter I’ll ever write to you even though you are so not gonna read it. First of all thanks for making me feel like I was special, now I know I’m not at all. Thanks for smiling every time you saw me across the hallway ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/07/22/voldemort-the-guy-i%e2%80%99ve-been-fuckin-who-%e2%80%9cmust-not-be-named%e2%80%9d/ The party of the first part (herein referred to as “she”), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as “him”): 1. FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the “first date”), each ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/07/22/pre-relationship-agreement/ I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/05/28/no-sex-tonight/ Hi there, I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings. My name is Lloyd, I live in Chicago , I’m 27 years old, fairly well educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told ... http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/05/27/i-need-an-unstable-woman-for-a-drama-filled-relationship%e2%80%a6/